if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
