I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
