maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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