Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just forgot I was standing up.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
