lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
