It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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