this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
