my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
