I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize