not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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