My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
