come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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