Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
