Plan B is the new Plan A
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
