census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
