apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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