that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
