only if we run a train.
done.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
