my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
