For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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