I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
