So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
