Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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