So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
