I just pynch a tree in the face
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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