it wasn't lemon gatorade
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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