plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
