rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
a search helicopter?!
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
