This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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