Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Four minutes until I can fart!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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