You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
