my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize