So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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