And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
