What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
