you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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