I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
