So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
