I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
