she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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