I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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