sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize