whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
