My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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