does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
