There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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