he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
