I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
