There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I am available for nakedness
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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