covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I can text with my tongue
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
