Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
