i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
