Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
