Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
