oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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