your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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