in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
