he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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