her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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