I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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