I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
