If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
