He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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