he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize