You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
