Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
