That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
