Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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