nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
