Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
