Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
