So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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